Nostalgia- My Memories of 2019

It was almost May 2019 and I had just started with a major year in my life; Class 12^th, when my dad got promoted & transferred and so I had to move to a brand-new city with him, leaving a place where I had spent 14 years of my childhood.

I don’t know about anyone else but for me, it was an intensely emotional experience. It was so difficult to even imagine leaving Panipat and all of my friends and the school just before my 12th whose farewell party was all that I waited for my whole school life. 

There was fear and nervousness of moving to a new place where I hardly knew anything or anyone; BEGUSARAI. 

It was 4^th of May 2019 and the college year had already started by the end of April which means I was already lagging in my academics.

 But for me, it was the first day of my new a school that I still remember, I would be lying if I'll say I wasn't excited at that moment why would I not be, as I now had a whole new chance of being what I always wanted to be, to bring changes I always wanted to have in me, to work on myself in a whole new way, getting to know new people and a whole new culture.

But as the days passed this excitement went away, people weren't as friendly and teachers weren’t as helpful as I thought them will be.

It was becoming really difficult for me to cope up with the new study methods and the not so friendly environment. I had no friends to talk my heart out although I used to talk to my old friends on social media, the situations were just getting worse day by day. During this whole period, my parents and my younger brother had been the biggest and the only support for me.

I used to cry every single night worrying about my studies and the way students and teachers were treating me. Friendship there meant using the other person and not being there for them when they actually need you and the teachers were more into pinpointing each other rather than teaching us lessons. My situation was becoming worse day by day as it was becoming even more difficult to accept the place.

I started facing insomnia and anxiety, due to which I started getting irritated fast and also used to cry a lot. Selfcare was no more in my dictionary I used to fall ill more frequently which was not normal.

Due to all these, I started working on my mental health a little bit through meditation, also my parents used to calm and counsel me when I was restless or disturbed. 

One fine night when I was done crying and was trying so hard not to overthink which is so common in my generation, a thought came into my mind and it left me changed and made me a whole lot stronger.

It was "why the way people treat me, bully me, talk negative, and make me look at everything which I am not is even bothering me?” And then I realized that if it is bothering me now, it will continue to bother me until I stop giving it attention. Hence, from the very next day I started going to school as a different person who started sitting alone, just focused on self-studies because hardly two out of six teachers used to actually teach in class. Some of them used to even treat me as an outsider as if I wasn’t part of that class and used to question my potential according to the marks, I used to get in class because of all the mental and physical issues I was going through. 

All I did was focused on my dreams and passion and on being a lot more kind, compassionate, positive towards myself and everyone out there. Gradually I realized that the saying "whatever happens, happens for a reason." Every single event or situation has something to do with one’s ultimate purpose in life and that EVERY PHASE OF YOUR LIFE TEACHES YOU HOW TO GROW, HOW TO DEAL, AND HOW TO HEAL.

In the initial stage, when I decided to move on, I used to cry and think of it as a curse but it was later that I realized that all along it was just the universe giving me a whole new chance to work on myself and grow, it was actually God giving me a chance to work harder and move a step ahead towards my dreams and the person I always wanted to be.

Sorry folks, I completely forgot to mention that I passed my Class 12th exams with amazing marks and moved a step forward towards my pageantry dream by becoming a holder of the title of miss northeast.

2019 was a rollercoaster ride, as it taught me to adjust in any circumstance, it taught me how to stand alone without fear, It made me more confident as a human that I was, it taught me things that I am goanna remember and implement in my life forever.  I understood that people do negative things or treat you the way they would never like to be treated. I know those actions and those harsh words hurt, but don't let their insecurities or lack of love be the reason for your sadness. It has nothing to do with what you are and what you deserve it’s just a reflection of who they are as human beings.
  

No matter how many times you try to make them understand there will be at least one person who will try to knock you down. All you got to do in this situation is stand up and be yourself, don’t let their words affect you. 

Also, in this social media generation, people hardly give importance to mental health. No matter how many times you neglect it, mental health is no joke so for those who have labeled someone, bullied someone, or spoken down to someone or told someone that the anxiety or depression that they are going through will always be part of their life stop this right now. BE KIND, please because everyone is going through something of their own if you can't help them, at least don’t make it worse for them. 

Finally, to sum up, the whole thing, 2019 taught me to grow through whatever I go through.

By

Sanskriti Tiwari